Notes on... Strangers On Trains

The first train journey we had in Australia was 7 hours long and we boarded at Sydney at 7am. K and J sat down next to each other whilst N sat in the seat next to us, only to be joined by a gentleman of around 55 years a few moments later. The train pulls away and K puts her eye mask on to try and sleep. She is interrupted instantly by the man who makes a very loud phone call to his wife. It took N exactly two minutes to get in to a full blown conversation with him which was then to last five whole hours.

The man whos name was Peter was very unusual looking and almost looked as if his eyes were shut when they were in fact wide open. K and J were being hilarious and started calling him Peter No Eyes and doing silly drawings of PNE and impressions of him behind N's back. K and J were really laughing heartily but still N did not bat an eyelid or even turn around to see what was going on. J found the stickers that we got from the plane in his bag and secretly stuck the Do Not Disturb sticker in N's hair- N still oblivious, having the time of her life with her new boyfriend. K and J had a bet on how long it would take for PNE and N to exchange numbers, not really believing that this would occur as P was at least 35 years her senior. But alas, as PNE neared his stop he whipped out his business card and N saucily gave him her number AND email much to K and J's ultimate delight, and N's ultimate demise as she would now forever be taunted by the memory of PNE.


On another journey K and J arrived at the train station with roughly about 7.5 hours to kill. As we approached there was a man outside who asked us if we were waiting for the train too. The answer to that being an obvious yes, as we were indeed at the train station. We settled down in the customer lounge and J set off to the supermarket while K minded the bags. Five minutes later K sees a dark figure at the door of the customer lounge. A figure we now know as Ken. Ken came in and sat down, not at a table a few away from K, but the closest possible one he could find.

Ken: Where's your boyfriend gone?
K: To the supermarket.
Ken: For a long lunch hey.
K: Hm. (What it is 10pm?!)

A few moments past while Ken got up to get a bottle of coke from the machine.

Ken: I watched Graham Norton last night.
K: Oh really. Who was on it?
Ken: Well, there was a homosexual man..(splutters on coke)... er I cant remember his name..what's his GOD DAMN name!
K: (internally) Graham?
Ken: There was a big fat black man on it too, I don't know his name either, (wrinkles face desperately trying to remember)
K is silent.
Ken: Oh WHY cant I remember? WHY (Ken puts head on table) Stupid, old, man.
K is silent.

Later that night The Mummy Returns is on the TV.
Ken: Hulk Hogan!
(its actually The Rock.)

Later that night a Queensland Rail man came in to the lounge to tell us that if we were not going to Brisbane then DONT get on the next train. This message was far too complicated for Ken because as the first train arrived Ken asked J if this was our train. J shook his head and said no, using all the methods of portraying a negative response that he knew of but this did not register with Ken who started to panic and picked up his bag and left. A booming announcement was then made over the tannoy for Kens benefit only to state that this was the train going toward Brisbane.

K and J do not see Ken again for the rest of the night which leads them to assume that Ken got on the wrong train.