Notes on... New Neighbours

K and J first met Geoff as they were moving their things in to their new flat.

Battling up the stairs with their boxes Geoff stood on the stairs in their way, eager to greet them. He introuduces himself to K saying he lives upstairs and stretches his hand out for a formal greeting, K not wanting to be rude tries to balance an extremely heavy box in one hand whilst returning the gesture, Geoff keeps hold of Ks hand whilst he explains sometimes he works out on a mini trampoline and if K and J ever find the noise disturbing then please let him know. At this point Ks arm can take no more and she has to shake Geoff off to save dignity and the books from falling and ending Geoffs trampoling career by smashing his feet. K goes in to the flat and can hear Geoff having the exact same conversation with J who is now in the hall. J seems very enthusiastic about Geoffs trampoling and later in the day when they look over he balcony and see a huge trampoline, they are alarmed at what kind of trampoline culture they have entered in to.


A few weeks in to the big move K and J had forgotten about Geoff and his antics on the stairs. One night they hear a big bang and J suggested that perhaps Geoff was on his trampoline. There was a moment of silence before K and J began to worry that perhaps Geoff had fallen from his trampoline and was in fact now dead. J speculated that he may tire easily and he only wanted one little bounce. We finally decided that he must of had a mini bounce on his mini trampoline, bounced off the balcony and down on to the big trampoline outside for his proper work out.

It was around now where K and J began to become suspcious of Geoff. J had reported that when he had been leaving for work at 1am Geoff had been lurking around the hall and quickly retreating back in to his flat when he realised J was there. J also had had an awkward conversation with him on the stairs.

G: How you settling in?
J: Yes, good thank you
G: The trampoline not bothering you?
J: No no
G: Its very nice here isn't it
J: Yes its nice and clean
G: (long pause) Yes, it is very green.
J is silent.

One day J comes in to K to ask if she had spilt a drink. K says no. They think nothing of it. The next day they get up to see a big problem in the kitchen. The ceiling is leaking quite severely and there is lots of water on the floor. They are very worried when they realise that the leak is coming from Geoff's flat. They speculate wildly that he may of drowned in the bath or perhaps had another related problem. J is too scared to go upstairs and confront Geoff so K has to go alone. K knocks. K waits. There is no answer.
K decides to leave a note for Geoff in red marker reading 'GEOFF, THERE IS A LEAK IN OUR KITCHEN AND IT IS COMING FROM YOUR FLAT.'

Later that day after K and J return from an outing they find a note from Geoff. The note was alarming as it seemed as though Geoff had either written it in an extreme rush or had developed severe Parkinson's overnight. The note told us that the leak was from his washing machine and he had now mended it. He also felt the need to say that his intercom was broken. K and J were unsure why this was information they required but appreciated it all the same. Later that night there was a knock at the door. K hid in her bed and J ignored it until Geoff repeatedly rang the buzzer forcing J to eventually answer, only to greeted by Geoff who was very distressed and very apologetic about the leak. J insisted that it was fine but Geoff was verging on tears and also wanted to know if the noise from the trampoling was bothering him. J told him no as in fact K and J have never heard Geoff working out on the mini trampoline and suspect this is actually a fantasy in Geoff's head.

The most recent event involving Geoff occurred today. J was sitting on the balcony, K suspects he was staring longingly at the big trampoline, when he heard a sudden bang and something big fell down from Geoff's balcony above. J instantly thought Geoff had decided to end it once and for all, but when he looked over the balcony it was just Geoff's umbrella which had blown off in the wind.